SLAYERSTUCK
by INSUFFERABLE PRICK STRIDER
Summary: Homestuck as weapons what? In this Dave and Karkat are finding there homo lust for each other as they fight bad guys with the other kids. Can they kill the evil Lord English? the guy the DWMA been looking for? Lots of paring! davekat just the main one you wont actually see any soul eater characters there's mentioning of them but none of them are in the story sorry :P


CHAPTER ONE

== Be that one guy

There's the love of my life, no this isn't one of those cheesy as fuck romcoms he likes, well maybe it is, but most don't start like this one…

He's running along side me and I'm secretly flipping my shit. Since there's no way I'd flip my shit in front of him, a man's image is all he's got sometimes. But back to why I'm flipping my shit. I mean, two meister's are better then one and I'm a pretty hella good fighter. One of the best in the school, the DWMA, but we are against a witch a sick ass nasty one at that. I nearly dodge a large pumpkin that was heading strait for my head.

"Fuck"

She continues to enclose on us, I look over and he's suddenly stopped running his weapon isn't working with him so he just stopped and tries desperately to hide. The witch sees and starts to move in on him. I stop and run back to him.

"Oh fuck no, that's my hot ass lady."

He glares.

I look at the weapon in my hand and nod and he notices and our souls resonate and I slam my sword down fast as I can, as if it were a hammer it sends the witch flying, but not dead… it cackles and fly's off. God fucking damn it! John won't let me live that one down.

== Be the kid that failed

I didn't fail okay? It's a witch; I shouldn't be taking this on anyway, but fuck it if I'd listen to Shinigami Sama's warning. And I'm not a "kid" if anyone is its my weapon.

== Be the whiny kid

Hey I'm not a kid I'm a weapon! One of the strongest in the school! But my meister just lost our witch that could have made me a death weapon! We've been on her trail for months!

"Daaaavvvveeeeee"

I whine…. manly. I transform back into human form and look at him.

"Yeah Egderp?"

"You lost our witch!"

"Did not"

"Did too"

"WILL YOU FUCKASSES SHUT THE FUCK UP?"

== Be the royally pissed person next to the two idiots

Yes. Yes I will be, thank you very fucking much. And its not person I have a name nooksniffer its Karkat fucking Vantas.

"JOHN WE ALL LOST THE WITCH. ME AND THIS USELESS TOOL LOST IT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU ASSHOLES DID"

== Be the useless tool

You transform back into human form from a nice pair of juggling cubs.

"WhAt…WhAt JuSt HaPpEnEd MoThErFuCkErS?"

"GAMZEE MOTHERFUCKING MAKARA YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT WE LOST THE WITCH STOP USING THAT STUPID MIRACLE WEAPON SHIT I NEED THE SKICLE!"

"AwW mAn I wOuLd, BuT MiRaClEs ArE sO SpEcIaL…."

== Be that Dave guy

It's Strider, Dave Strider. You watch as Karkitty's useless tool of a weapon starts to zone out on the rest of the group. You choke down a laugh, poor Karkat he got stuck with that, I mean John sometimes isn't any better…that little shit he's still mopping about the lost witch. You watch the banter continue and stare up into the sky hoping to see any signs of the witch, but you know for a fact she was gone. Oh fuck it.

Miles away…

== Sniff around for you weapon

You put that nose of yours to good use and sniff about. Your weapon was known to run off, but leaving a blind girl just not cool!

"K4N4Y4!"

You follow the sent of tea, newly bought fabrics and girly perfumes of said girl, wait was that… *sniff * two girls?

"OH GOD D4MN 1T"

You continue to follow the sent and finally find her cuddling her new girlfriend in a darkened ally

"YOU KNOW MY 3Y3S M1GHT NOT B3 GOOD 3NOUGH TO S33 YOU GUY5 BUT THE L35B31N LU5T 53NT I5 TOT35 TH3R3."

"Oh Sorry Terezi, Rose and I Were Just…"

"1 DON'T W4NN4 KN0W"

"Really Terezi, you don't want to know of the extremely hot interspecies makeouts that were about to occur?"

"RO53 HUM4N 1…"

You hear a big crash behind you and you turn to it. You feel Kanaya grip your hand and with that the feeling of familiar chainsaw placed in it. You smile your famous shit-eating grin and walk out to see, well sniff the wreckage. Right in the middle you sniff some of your idiot friends.

"H4V1NG FUN VR15K4?"

"Oh shut it! You knoooooooow I'm the 8est!"

You hear her weapon shriek as she tries to stab a guy from a gang the school been trying to hunt down forever. The felt mob.

== Your done being the blind girl you cant see anything! Be the new weapon

Uhhhhh I'm gonna die! I'm dead Vriskas gonna kill me!

"Tavroooooooos? Can you stop flipping your shit for like 8 seconds?"

"uHHH,,, i C-CAN TRY?"

You muster up all the courage you can and you feel your lance body go straight through the bad guy, blood covering your lance outside. And after those few 8 seconds you continue to flip the fuck out.

== Be this 8itch

Why thanks you noticed33333333! I grip Tavros's lance body tighter and doge the bullet that was heading my way and quickly stab the fucker and immediately feel Tavros freak the fuck out again.

"Ughhhhhhhh can't you calm doooooooown? Its just a little 8lood"

He turns back in to a wheelchair bound skylark (the useless version of him) and grabs the soul and eats it. Gross. You turn to Terezi and Kanaya. You notice Rose and Jade come out of the dark ally as well

"Wellllllll isn't this a lovely les8ain meeting? Seems your allllllll here!"

"H4H4"

"And look it its Miss Fussyfangs!"

"Why Hello Vriska, Pleasure As Always."

"Hi Vriska hi Tavros!"

"hEY JADE,,,"

You smirk at all of them and decide there are better places for you to be.

" Well even though this has 8een a jooooooooy, we are gonna go see ya, come on Tav!"

== Be green lesbian

Your name is Kanaya Maryam and you watch as you're past crush and her weapon walk off you turn to Terezi

"Why May I Inquire Were You Looking For Me Tezi?"

She frowns at the nickname

"W3 W3R3 GO1NG TO H3LP 5TR1D3R 4ND K4RL3S HUNT TH3R3 W1TCH, BUT SOM3BODY H4D TO GO B3 G4Y!"

"Yeah! Rose weren't we going to try to find some bad guys too! I need some action!"

"Whoa claim down there girl"

"Woof!"

Jade was such a lovable half weapon dog. You turn to Rose

"Shall We Try To Find Them Then?"

"Y34H?"

"Lets"

"Yay!"

She grabs Jade as she transforms into a long gun ears and all and you follow them off into the distance.

The Next Day…

THE DWMA IS A PLACE FOR WEAPONS AND MIESTERS ALIKE TO GET TOGETHER A LEARN TO FIGHT OF PEOPLE WHO…

== SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO THE STORY

Somewhere a young kid stands in the hallway of the DWMA looking at the bulletin board trying to find new missions to go on. He watches as almost everyone else finds one that would suit him or her. He's seen almost everyone pass, the kid of Shinigami Sama, the brightest girl in school and a few of his friends but not Dave, finally he finds something that makes he's eyes grow wide and he grabs the paper.

== Be the very excited kid

Again not a kid! But you are excited! You found a new witch to hunt! Your looking for Dave though… and you cant seem to find him, you fly around for while before you see him running about with karkat what could they be up to?

20 minutes earlier….

== Be the kid who needs some luck.

You really need this luck, like shit. Your about to confess to Karkat. You grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the door but the cute cubby troll wouldn't move out of his seat. So you do the only natural thing to do. Bug the fuck out of him.

"Karkat… Kitkat…. Karkles… Baby… Kar…Honk Honk Meow…"

He pinches his brow and glares not really menacingly at you.

"WHAT IN THE UNIVERSAL BLUDGE FUCK DO YOU WANT?"

" I gotta show you something"

"CAN'T YOU DO IT HERE SHITSTAIN?"

You smirk of coarse, this lazy ass. He hates moving during his free periods but oh well time to fuck that up.

"Hell no man, a Striders secret can't be told in public places. Gotta be all ninja stealthy like my bro. Could you imagine what would happen if the fans got wind of some crazy embarrassing shit I did? Like what do you think they would do kitkat? They'd revolt that's what full on revolution Les Mis style everyone dead! I gotta maintain the ima-"

your cut off by Karkat's hand slamming against your mouth as he stands.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY AND I'LL GO. WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE GOING ANYWAY YOU BLUDGE SUCKER?"

For the first time, you have nothing to say you couldn't believe your ears. Did he really just agree to go with you? Holy fucking shit all the irons must be in the fire…

" Eh, this way"

You grabbed his hand and pulled him off.

Think quickly Strider think, think! Where should you go… the roof? Eh that's good enough. You drag the willing karkat up many flights of stairs until you reach the top.

"OKAY WERE HERE. WHATS SO IMPORTANT YOU HAD DRAG MY ASS UP HERE? WAS YOU STUPID WINDHOLE REALLY IN TROUBLE Of SAYING SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE YOU FAKE FANS REVOLT AND CULL YOU? OR DID YOU JUST WANTED TO BE A TOTAL BL…"

You cut him off by slamming your lips against his and he tastes like everything you dreamed. He was warm, cherry overfilled your senses and he's chapped lips melted with yours.

== Be the troll who's now flipping the last of his shit

HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY….

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK

He's so close and so warm! And it's screaming in your head "YES idiot of coarse he likes you!" All the times you passed off in your head as ironic shit and not flirting, all the times he wouldn't call you bro he.

SHIT….

When the kiss awkwardly ended he stood there like a lost puppy. No emotion really showing, but the way he slouched over told everything. Your eyes run over his body and how did you not notice how good he looked in the stupid suit? You curse yourself out as you continue to stare,

"Umm… karkat?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I really kiss you speechless? Aw hell yis"

"Fuck off strider"

Your whispering it. Not meaning a fucking word and he seems to know this, he starts to come close to you again. You part your lip ever so slowly….

== Be the guy who totally fucked up that sweet ass moment we were reading

" Hey guys! What are you doing up here? Daaaavvvveeeeee why do you only hang with Karkat? Why are you two blushing like idiots for? You two making out or something?"

== Be the really pissed blonde boy

FUCK YOU EGBERT AS A MATTER OF FACT I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY MACK ON AND YES I'M GAY AS FUCK LAUGH YOU STUPID WINDY ASS OFF!

But that doesn't really come out it comes out more like

" Sup Egbert…"

With the Egbert said menacingly.

You glace at Kar who blushing really hard…

" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT JOHN?"

"I found another witch let go lets go lets goooo! I wanna be a death scythe already!"

Karkat looks at you and shrugs and wanders off to find Gamzee as John continues to bounce off the walls with excitement. Ohh yay….


End file.
